The plain-me

Salam.

Nice to see all of you *not literally, i mean* =p

Its awkward, right? I mean, i asked myself, its awkward right to write something that you felt you don't even want to remember. You don't even want to glance into it. You don't even want to talk about it. But yeah, I think i have to.

Because all this things that I'm gonna write, and most of them are not happy-ending or maybe not yet, but are the things that I'm gonna let it go from my heart. The things that I'm gonna share so that people (if there is lah) will take the moral from my story, learn from my mistake and try not to repeat it again and again.

Frankly, I've been keeping them all this time and its really damn hard like hell. It took a lot of energy from me and I was crying inside (huhu) and it really hurts till I don't even dare and have the courage to tell anybody. Boo-hoo.

Because it is not a happy story.
Because its so sad, its so dissappointing, its so upsetting, its so hummiliating.
Because it is not a story that you want people to know about it. *srottt*

No no no, chill. No worries. Allah did cooled me down, He always did. :)

"Do the people think that they will be left to say, we believe, and not they will not be tested? But we have certainly tested those before them, and Allah surely make evident, those who are truthful, and He will surely make evident the liars." (Al-ankabut 29 : 2-3)

He said that this life is a test and i am not the only person who is being tested here. Even the prophets have been tested! Far more challenging and harder compared to me of courseeee. Sooo, who am I to question all these, who am I to feel that im the only one who suffers here? Perasan!

But yah, thats the nature of human. *sigh* Allah told us,

"Surely man is created of a hasty temperament, being greatly grieved when evil afflicts him." (Al-Ma'arij 70:19-20)

He knows us best. And He knows who we are. Thats why He came out with this,

"Who, when a misfortune befalls them, say : Surely we are Allah's and to Him we shall surely return." (Al-Baqarah 2:156)

Back then, I was lost. Drowning in this hampeh dunya, i have nowhere to go. I felt empty inside till I even don't know why I have been created into this world in the first place. I blamed Allah for the bad things and sad things which happened in my life, and started to lose hope. And when I was about to die, Allah saved me and raised me up to the level that I cant even imagine i would be, and He kept on saving me till now.

"And Allah find you lost, and He guides you." (Ad-Dhuha 93:7) - serius baru perasan ayat ni baru baru ni T__T

Hows merciful Allah is!

Without all the tests He has given me and is still giving me, I will definitely not reach this stage. Even though people look a bit high towards me for who I am now (and because Allah covers my flaws and deficiency-ofcourse!), and they expect too much positive outcome from me, I will still and never forget insyaAllah who I was before and all the calamities, and the ordeals that Allah had pulled me through. *nangis melimpah ruah*

And regardless how the looks, dengan mata berkaca-kaca, I am actually just a plain muslim who is struggling to be the best slave of Allah.

And this is my story.

Salam.